Answer

People asked me.. so what's the point of the last blog post.

There wasn't much of a point to it except that sometimes in a relationship, you just learn to take a leap of faith. Yes, the word is a very short but powerful one - faith.

Things may not always go your way, but who is to say things won't go your way this time around?
So all you have to do is have a little faith in it and you'll find that things are much brighter from that perspective.

How do you know?

How do you know when you've found the right one?
How do you know when you have found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?
How do you know that "Hey, he/she is the one and I will never find someone else I want to spend the rest of my life with?

How can you tell if he/she is the one?
How can you be sure that the relationship which you have put in so much time and effort in will last till your very last breath?

Sometimes, can't help to ponder upon questions like these. When you are in a serious relationship, you are giving it all you have, you stop to think if this is the right thing to do. The further in the relationship, the more hurt you will get when it all falls apart.

Many people choose to retreat, it's a common reflex. We just don't want to get hurt, it's a survival instinct. When we see the boat sinking, our fight or flight response kicks in and sadly, we choose the flight response because it's easier... less painful.

What if 2 years down the road, the other half meets someone else better suited for them and leaves?
What would that make of you?
What if you were the one meeting someone else that suits you better?
What happens then?
What happened to those many years of fighting for the relationship?

What if you start getting bored of each other?

When thoughts like these gets in your head, they seep into your mind laying eggs that are just waiting to be hatched.

Books

I remember a time when books were my lifeline. I couldn't get through a week without reading at least one good book. Spending most of my allowance on getting new books to read, keeping track of the reading world.

Now, all of a sudden there's the Hunger Games. I'm not proud to admit that I did not even hear about the series till the movie trailers came out and all of sudden, my facebook news feed was flooded with post about the Hunger Games and how awesome it is/was.

When did I become so out of the reading world that I don't even bother reading anymore? Piles of books still waiting for me to read them but I seem to have lost the interest or better yet the time to touch any of them and enjoy the pleasure it brings to me.

This summer, I vow to start reading again. I need to once again find the pleasure in literature and not just tv series and online games. I need something else in my life other than just superficial information.

When was the last time you had a good read?

Give up

There's that breaking point when you don't even know what you're fighting for...

When everything just seems like a blurred mess to you.
When everything just seems to fall apart the more you try.

Why should I even bother anymore?

Master of Destruction

I can't help but to destroy everything in my way can I?
I should be kept in solitary.
Away from everything and everyone...
Then I will be able to not hurt or destruct anything in my path.

Physics

Facing my worse nightmare now.. When did studies become so difficult?

When did it all become just work and work and no play?

When did my life just become solely constructed of needing good grades?

When did grades suddenly become such an important part of my life?

There are just some things that are never meant to be known...

You are not alone

I know many people go through these phases in their University life but to you it seems like everyone has it in their hand except for you. You are wondering why everyone else it's getting a hang of it when you are slowly drowning in the coursework and the failing grades.

For every good grade there is the sacrifice behind it. University is not as cut out as what we used to think of it when we were younger. We used to watch movie and this perfect girl, pretty, charming, popular, with a high GPA to boot. Honestly, I've not met someone like that yet in University. Maybe there is, but it's so rare. Sad to say, that's the image all of us have planted into our minds, etched into our soul.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you see the sleepless nights and the lack of sunshine. Sometimes, University just feels like a soul sucking machine that you can't avoid no matter what. There's always so much to do, so many people to please, so many clubs to join.

When I first stepped onto campus, I was afraid. It was a whole new environment for me. Even now, I can't safely say that I'm very confident with myself. I'm not used to not being accepted easily. I'm still not used to not bumping into someone I know at every corner. I'm still not used to not having my support group when I want to organize an activity.

Honestly, there are times when I feel really lost in University because I can't adapt myself to their lifestyle, or more like I do not want to conform to the society. I feel like when I speak up in a class I stick out like I was wearing a ridiculous Halloween costume in class. I feel dismissed by my peers at times. Sometimes I wonder if race is such a big issue after all...

Even though University life may be tough, I'm still thankful to be given the chance to be here. I do miss being back home with my friends, the late night mamak sessions and places that I know so well, and doing things I just love and know so well.

I guess it's all a part of growing up and I'm glad that I'm given this chance. I'm glad that I have my friends whom stuck by me through thick and thin.